Most of my adolescent life has seen depression, anxiety, despair, and apathy, all interspersed with sudden bouts of intense rage. Why was it like this? Well, for many reasons. One reason is that this house is a complete mess. A total dump. The fridge is filled with so much crap. Some food, most non-food. Some leftovers that have turned to complete mold. When I say this place is a dump, I don't mean it's just messy, disorganized. It's more than that, it's a god damn health hazard. It has me pissed off so much; there was a fly buzzing around our kitchen, so I slapped it out of the air and punched the fuck out of it while it was twitching on the counter (in my defense, I missed the trash day so our garbage cans have been inundated with maggots. To say the least, I am not a very big fan of flies right now)
On the positive side, my family's absence allowed me to be free in my own home. Three weeks of unchecked growth. My biggest concern is that it would all be hacked away upon their return, but it seems I have nothing to worry about. The growth continues.
Consulting memory, I can see that I'm sick a lot. I mean like, almost once a month. Sometimes, if I don't sleep it off in the first three days, it sticks with me for weeks. Hell, I think I might be sick right now. The project has given me a higher awareness of my body. I can feel things that I couldn't really feel before. One of these things is this constant drag I've been feeling. It feels a lot like a sickness that won't go away.
Maybe, you know, if my immune system wasn't under constant assault, I'd have a little more energy.
So frustrated. Depression is anger without motivation, and lately, I've been really fuckin' motivated.
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Dude! I used to have a friend who had a house that was a complete sty. How can that not affect your mind? How can that not affect your body? What does it say about the state of mind of the people who live in your house? Fly's in your house? Maggots in your cans? What the hell?! You waiting for some health inspector to evict your ass? You feelin' F'n motivated? Get at it and clean that shit up. Pick a corner and settle for nothing less than shiny Lemony fresh! Get the bleach! Get the Mr. Clean! Rip up old towels and make rags!Take no prisoners! It'll do more for you than you would not believe. You've clearly been detoxin' internally dude. Start doin' it externally. The fly ain't the bad guy. He just came where he thought he was invited. Get wild and tough, B-man! You deserve better! Throw on some overalls and a mask and get at it! Hulk Smash Messy house! Make Clean! RRRRAAAAAHHHH!!!!
ReplyDeletehahah fuck yeah! I'm in the process of doing so, but it's an uphill battle - nothing i can do in an afternoon. Nevertheless, I will persist!
ReplyDeleteJeeze you're hardcore Bryan, punching flys and shit. Take it easy man, just throw everything away and start over?
ReplyDeletelol, yeah, I have an anger problem... I actually told my mom that the house was kind of disgusting, not intending anything to occur, and when I came home from work the house was clean; she's pretty awesome.
ReplyDeleteThe fridge is kind of a mess, though, so that's what I'm going to take care of.