Hm... so... apparently math isn't my strong point.....

So we have 5 days instead of 7? Sweet.

And I have a confession to make. This past week has been terrible. I collapsed, and then the week kept kicking me in the ribs.

Oh, also, I didn't eat the last two indulgences, is that bad? My reason for that being that on the day before we received the second "key" (as Sean calls it), I had some Honey Bunches of Oats for my night snack because I ran out of grape nuts. I did this because I was curious how I would feel after I ate it; I used to eat copious amounts of that cereal. It turns out I felt like shit. With that in mind, and reading what everyone else said about their indulgences, I really didn't feel like doing that to myself.

Also, it's been epically hot here. Well, maybe not epically, but hot enough that it plays havoc with my digestive system and sleep.

I feel like I should be pretty down about this, but I find it kind of difficult, which brings me to the good side of this week.

There are a lot of reason why I signed up for the PCP. They culminate in "getting more out of life". Except, what exactly does that mean? Well, it's a little difficult to elucidate. To me, it can be summed up in one instance. I work at a grocery store; the one that most of the elderly people in town go to. This means we call a lot of cabs, and thus have a lot of little-old-ladies waiting for them. The last time I worked there, before my shift ended, there was a woman waiting for one in the lobby of the store. She didn't want to go outside because of the heat, but she couldn't see to well inside the lobby, so see wanted me to stay and look for her. I couldn't because I had my job to do. When my shift ended, she was still there, so I waited with her and talked with her.

That likely wouldn't have happened before, I don't think. I probably would have thought

One time when I was walking to a party, back in march, I stepped off of the side-walk and onto the street. The impact of my foot coming down shook me rather hard. It actually hurt; my head, my joints, my back. Not to be overly dramatic, but I felt like it almost shook me apart, like a skeleton in an episode of Scooby-Doo. Then a few other nights I got high and when you're high you sense things stronger than normal - In this case, pain can be intensified, as can fear and sadness. Believe me, I've experienced them all more than I ever would have liked to - and there were a few nights where I felt exactly how pitiful my physical condition was and just how it affected me. One you feel that you never forget it.

Today I wento buy food. I walked into the store I work and I felt almost no anxiety. I walked away, got a text from my mom, decided to call for a ride, and then waited for her at the high school, which was near by. Normally I sit by the doors, on the concrete where there is shade, but that seemed incredibly unappealing, so I sat under this tree and listened to music and saw the beauty that surrounded me. A fly were landing on me and I didn't mind. I didn't disturb it. I sort of felt like I was melting into nature. It was epic. I felt as if I could have sat there the entire day and been sated.

I feel like these three little snippets of my life illustrate perfectly why I signed up and why I shouldn't be very worried about how pathetic this week has been. Five days, I can do that. I will be difficult, but It is doable.

To everyone: good luck, we're not finished yet.