On Comptetition

Ok, so this is not solely about competition. First thing I want to say is that I totally used my computer almost all day. BUT! I had the self-control to not procrastinate, and the day has gone by rather smoothly. I mean, my workout was really lame, but I think it has to do with the fact that I was dehydrated. I think... I mean, my piss is clear, but I have that fatigued, dry feeling. Still, I had my cake and got to eat it too.

Anyway, I want to post this: http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/episodes/2007/12/04
It says that loneliness is about as much of a health risk as smoking. Shocking, rather, seeing as how I've quite alone recently. I dunno. I mean, work has an uplifting effect - it's really easy and I get to socialize and it's fun, even if it is really draining. Though I still feel this strain, this taxing feeling. I assumed it was my messed up sleep schedule, and maybe it still is. I mean, I haven't fixed it completely yet, but I'm making great progress. I even had a really vivid and fun dream last night. And yes, I'm going to talk about it. Now, I suppose, I am not sure what else I have to say on loneliness that Radiolab hasn't. I have sparse human contact, and I believe it is affecting me.

So onto the dream! Basically, it was about me trying to have sex with a friend of mine. And we were in a house that seemed to be an amalgamation of many houses that I've been. And a lot of people were in it. My parents, my neighbors, some of my parent's friends, my boss, and some random nerdy guys in their late 20's who were assholes. And they were all distracting. The entire time I was doing random shit, trying to return to my friend to sleep with her. It was really frustrating but awesome, because there was a lot of shit going on and it was kind of hilarious. I didn't get to sleep with her, because right when I was about to, I woke up. Story of my life, right?

Right, now onto competition. As a child, I was very non-competitive, unless it was at videogames. Essentially, I had zero confidence and was only willing to compete at something I knew I was good at, something I couldn't lose at. Now, things are a little different...

I first noticed it when I realized that I had a huge drive to learn French. When I was learning Russian, I started out with every waking moment studying, but only because I enjoyed it. With French, I'm not obsessed. But I'm putting forth a pretty huge effort, and it has to do with one thing.

My Aussie friend challenged me.

That's pretty much it. I said it was easy, she called me an arrogant prick and that I'll soon have my ass handed to be by the sheer scale of the task, and I set out to prove her wrong.

That's pretty much it. Also, at work the other day I challenged my supervisor to an arm-wrestling match. I lost, because he's like a foot taller than me and I guess has awesome genetics because he does nothing and is still stronger than me.

So I challenged him to a rematch. I won, but he definitely threw the match just to get rid of me.

Long story short, I've become more competitive, most likely due to an increase in confidence that has come from an increase in physical security. That's what I reckon and that's what I saw was the sole reason for my anxiety when I was sitting on that couch during those transitional months, from winter to spring.

Also, my pecs are beginning to show. Pretty awesome.