What does a scanner see?

I was watching a bit of "A Scanner Darkly" today. A Good-ass movie that reminds me of days gone by. Watching it now, it occasionally produces this low-level anxiety that years ago would have been all that needed to exist to send me tumbling into a panic attack. Now, it's only uncomfortable. I'm not sure why it does this. Maybe because the convoluted nature of various scenes resonates a little too well, reminding me of situations of inebriation that I've been in where anxiety was the prevailing emotion. An all too common occurrence. If you haven't seen it, here's a clip that I feel encapsulates the movie very well

So many to choose from. Anyway, the nostalgic insanity reminded me of a comment Jeremy posted on my post about why I started and subsequently quit smoking pot. He asked why I quit, which I guess I didn't make clear. I love to talk about my experiences, and I guess I got so wrapped up in my "last high" that I didn't make the point. To put it clearly, the last time was horrifying. Also, I felt like I had to puke the entire time. And that is why I quit: I didn't want to experience that again.

I know I talk about it a lot, but smoking and drinking were a regular pastime for me and my friends. I've also had many adventures while in pursuit of, during, or after said activities. I am very fond of them. Though each day I become more apathetic towards them. Intoxication was the focus of our nights. Rarely anything else. Many of those nights were very uneventful. Boring? Definitely not. Each night a new show was playing. Watching myself play the part in the theatrics of the social group I inhabited.

At the start of the PCP, I thought that after the 90 days were over, I'd drink again, maybe even smoke. No where near the frequency that I once approached it. Occasionally, once every other week. However, my current stance is that of abstinence. I might partake of each substance only to see how they affect me after undergoing such a project, though I don't plan on it.

I say this because alcohol has very few benefits. I actually look back on alcohol and I cringe. I have no desire to get hammered again. And after watching A Scanner Darkly, I don't think I'll have a more pleasant high if I smoke again.